I Have Thermonuclear Diarrhea

And atomic piles. *rimshot*

My legs have recovered (yippee)

I had another disaster in my pants. (yippee-ai)

And I feel better than ever before. (yippee-ai-yay)

None of the above is true.

I just needed a reason to cheer.

Hip hip, hurrah! Hip hip, hurrah!

Hip hip... oh never mind.